#3 - I Think Before I Speak
Why introverts think before speaking, tips for overcoming your fears around people, and NO mention of this week’s election - guaranteed!
read time: 4 minutes
Today at a Glance
Idea: Why introverts think before they speak
Video: Vinh Giang's tips to make introverts more comfortable around others
Omission: I make no mention of this week’s historic election
PI Update
Thinking before speaking
A hallmark of introversion is that we think before we speak. Introverts pause and reflect before speaking, while extroverts think aloud.
It’s a common challenge for introverts in the workplace: internal-processing introverts are often talked over or interrupted by think-aloud extroverts. (We’ll share advice on overcoming this challenge in a future post.)
This week, I’ve been reflecting on this: how does introversion develop? Are we born this way, or is it shaped by our experiences? Is it nature, nurture, or a mix of both?
Science, in its typical dissatisfying fashion, splits the difference and recognizes that both factors are at play.
We're clearly born with a certain temperament. This influences our early experiences, creating feedback loops that reinforce our original tendencies. By the time we’re adults, our neurological wiring and behavioral patterns are all in sync. Here's how that looks:
Nature (Temperament)
Brain structures- genetic and biological factors, along with neurological wiring, prioritize the prefrontal cortex, which is crucial for decision-making and self-regulation.
Brain activity - introverts exhibit heightened activity in areas related to internal processing, such as the Default Mode Network (often referred to as the “monkey mind”).
Dopamine response - introverts have a lower dopamine reaction, which gives them greater patience and a stronger ability to defer gratification, in contrast to spontaneously jumping into conversations.
Executive function - such as self-regulation and impulse control—tends to be innately stronger in introverts.
Nurture (Learned Behaviors)
Social conditioning - early childhood experiences, education, and cultural expectations—shapes how we respond to various situations. For example, factors like unsafe environments, academic pressures, and cultural norms can deeply influence our behavior and reactions.
Self-regulation & Mindfulness - habits and practices that are learned early but remain modifiable over time—can profoundly influence behavior and even reshape temperament through neuroplasticity.
Vinh Giang - Tips for Introverts
I had a great time this week watching Vinh Giang’s videos on communication skills. Vinh is an incredibly engaging communications teacher, with tons of fantastic content.
In this video, Giang advises introverts on increasing their comfort around people. He explains in the chapter “Why being an introvert isn't your problem” that it’s really our fears holding us back (watch from 0:31 to 9:56):
Giang says it's our fear of rejection, our anxiety around people, and fear of saying the wrong thing (perfectionism) that makes us uncomfortable. You can't change being an introvert (where you draw your energy)—and why would you want to?—but you can pretty easily desensitize yourself to your fears through exposure techniques.
These techniques also work for extroverts, many of whom share these same fears and discomfort, showing your challenge is not introversion in itself but something distinct.
Here are his exposure strategies for increasing your confidence:
Fear of rejection
Aim for 5-10 rejections each day by making requests, no matter how small. Giang, for instance, practiced this by asking strangers if he could show them a magic trick. The exercise helps you detach emotionally from rejection.
Try asking your barista for a free cup of coffee—a tip from Tim Ferriss. Surprisingly, they’ll often agree, especially if you offer to tag them on social media.
Fear of talking to new people
Set a goal of talking to e.g. 5-10 new people per day
If this feels overwhelming, consider starting with a gradual approach to build confidence. Here’s a simple progression:
Week 1: Simply say, “Hello.”
Week 2: Add a bit more: “Hello, how are you?”
Week 3: Take it a step further: “Hello, how are you? I like your shirt.”
Week 4: Now, engage in a short conversation: “Hello, how are you? I like your shirt. Do you know of a good coffee shop around here?”
By gradually increasing the interaction, you’ll build comfort and confidence in social settings.
Fear of saying the wrong thing
Intentionally make small mistakes when communicating with friends or coworkers. For example:
• Mix up your words or make a minor grammatical error during a conversation.
• Stumble over your words on purpose.
• Send a text with a typo.
• Pause awkwardly mid-sentence for an extended moment.
Then, observe what happens. Reflect on how people actually react versus what you feared. You’ll likely find that most people are understanding, or they don’t even notice. This exercise helps break the fear of perfection and shows that small mistakes don’t define you.
See also his video on how to Beat Social Anxiety:
PI Update
This week, I’ll be publishing my first podcast interview. I shared a few highlights last week, and now it’s time to put on the final touches and get it out there. Yesterday, I recorded a solo episode, and I’ll be focusing on editing that this week. Plus, I’m excited for next weekend when I have another interview scheduled—this time with a friend and colleague who’s an extrovert.
As you might gather from my content above, editing my video podcast episode has really motivated me to improve my communication skills. I want my message to come through as clearly and engagingly as possible, which means mastering both audio and video production. A conversation with my 18-year-old son convinced me that I need to level up in these areas—especially on social media—so I can reach younger generations and inspire them to engage in leadership, and challenge the status quo.
This is both uncomfortable and exciting. Did I mention it’s a bit uncomfortable?
I said I would make no mention of the election, and will stay true to my vow. NO mention of the election will be made.
The best to you all this week,
Greg